Oh GAH-LORY and Praise Sweet Baby Jesus! Reverend Jeremiah here and I am so happy that you are here with me. Can I get an “Amen”? Can I get an “Awoman”? Preferably two of them. Are you ready to feel The Coming of The lord?! Will you get down upon thy knees for the Coming of The Lord? Oh The Coming of The Lord will be swift and strong, over powering you in waves like a thief in the night! Sweet Baby Jesus loves you and I love you too. I really do hope that you will be enjoying my fantastic, True® Christian Arcade site. This site has information on it that just might save your Soul! Now read my conversion story and witness a miracle!
Jesus came to me one day when I was eating a slice of ham and pineapple pizza. I noticed the semblance of a child in the mozzarella and ham! It was Sweet Baby Jesus! I heard a voice in my imagination say; “Eat me, and you will feel the cuming of the Lord!” And I did eat of that holy wedge of carbohydrates, and felt my bowels move from within! I quickly ran to the johnny hopper, tore off my tighty whiteys, and proceeded to unload my sin at an alarming rate of velocity! Yea, It was an holy religious movement that cleansed my sinful innards! I immediately flushed that sin straight to hell, where our loving god forces the unsaved to partake of it as if it was beef stew! I was born again®! Praise Sweet Baby Jesus! Now, I went from being initially Atheist as a baby — as all babies are stricken with the terrible, talking snake disease known as Atheism (a.k.a “Original Sin”) at birth because of Eve’s infection through eating that magical apple– Straight into a mary worshipping Catholic family. It seemed that I was destined at birth to enter that flaming torture chamber that our loving God created just as soon as I Croaked in the Spook.
So what made me change my mind to become a True® Christian and BORN AGAIN (Praise!) in the sweet and sticky blood of our Lord and Savior Christ Jesus!? It was a great many things. I can trace it back, indirectly, to the successive (and sinful) admission from my parents that the popular demigods of my childhood, were in fact, imaginary. By demigods, which are defined as Pagan, mythical beings who have more power than a mortal but less than a god. I mean Santa, The Easter Bunny and The Tooth Fairy. My parents were hell-bound Catholics, so they were directed by the Pope himself to screw up my brain with those lies and misdirections! I still wet my bed at night thinking of that satanic Easter bunny sodomizing Santa as that limp wristed, buck-toothed fairy watched it all! As an Altar boy, when I was attending high mass at St.Dicks Academy of Manshank, Tennessee, I was told by Bishop Harry Dick-in-son that; “We Catholics are only supposed to ACT like we beleive in Christ Jesus because of our ties to the Liberal and communistic Democratic party. In reality, we worship the Satanically homosexual religion of Atheistic Evolution as decreed by our king of the Mary worshippers himself! Now get on your knees, close your eyes, open your mouth, and prepare for the coming of the Lord.”